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I wasn't sure how Bella would react when we brought her baby sister home. She wasn't exactly thrilled about her when she was growing in my belly. There were intentional kicks to my belly, extreme tantrums that only mommy could fix and just overall extra needy behaviour while I was pregnant. "Pick me up" was on repeat when I was 8-9 months pregnant.

So many people have asked how Bella is doing now that she is a big sister. The short answer is, she is adjusting. It's funny how everything becomes a blur so quickly. I think it was the second night home with the baby when we had our worst night ever. I literally did not sleep one wink. My milk had not come in yet so baby Kali was crying incessantly. Every time I finally thought I settled her and climbed back into bed, she started crying again. It was 4am when Bella clearly caught wind of the action and made her way into our room to join the party. The second she saw the baby in my arms, she threw herself on the floor and gave us her best tantrum. Both girls were screaming at the top of their lungs. Brennan and I just looked at each other, shocked, and all we could do was laugh at the mayhem. It wasn't funny but laughing broke the tension and we knew we could handle it together. Things have gotten slightly better each day, but every night I go to bed I still have anxiety that Bella will come into our room and 'catch mommy cheating on her with her baby sister'.

My midwife prepared me for this. With Bella I had a massive breakdown when she was about 5 days old. This is when your pregnancy hormones are leaving your body and being replaced by breastfeeding hormones so there is a hormonal influx. I think I cried for 2 days straight. My midwife told me with my second baby, I’ll likely find myself totally fine with the baby but emotions would surround my older child. She was right. I feel badly Bella is so conflicted with this new adjustment. I feel guilty when she sees me loving and tending to her baby sister, and I feel resentment because she’s causing so much grief for us during what should be a beautiful time for our family. It’s not easy, and none of these feelings are nice, but every day does seem to get a little bit better. "It's not going to last forever" my midwife told me. I kind of shrugged off the advice and sucked back the tears not believing her, but here we are 20 days into our new family life of four and Bellas tantrums are subsiding. I find getting her involved with caring for her sister helps. She loves to help change diapers, push the stroller, and if she's in a good mood, she will even give her little sister a kiss and hug. In parenting, I try to remember that everything is a phase. It will come and it will go. I'm looking forward to the phase where these sisters will be loving and sweet and best of friends.

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It’s been just over 1 week since we brought baby Kaleigha home! Things have been going great ever since my milk came in around day 4. She eats and sleeps, I can’t really ask for more.

I’m excited to document my postpartum fitness journey this time around. After having experienced two pregnancies I can say that every pregnancy and therefore postpartum experience is different. With Bella my first, I gained over 50lbs, much of it water weight as I was very swollen near the end. She was breech and I delivered her at 38 weeks via cesarean and she weighed 6lbs 12oz. It took 4 months for me to get back to pre baby weight, but I was still soft and gushy. It wasn’t until I stopped nursing at 10 months that I lost the last 5lbs of stubborn fat and gained most of muscle back to ‘look and feel’ like I did before having a baby. This is when I launched my Fit Mama Training business.

About 2 years later, we became pregnant again. With baby Kaleigha, I gained just over 35lbs, and had a physically active pregnancy (as Fit Mama). I delivered her at 39 weeks by Vbac (vaginal birth after c-section) and she weight 8lbs. So here we are one week later, I’ve lost 18lbs in the first week and have 20lbs to go! The recovery with a vaginal delivery is incredibly different. I was able to teach a kids yoga class the other day and once I’m cleared after 2 weeks I will continue training again. The recovery for a cesarean is 6 weeks and you do not want to rush getting back into working out until you’ve completely healed or you risk causing your body more harm than good. As I said though, everybodys experience will be different and you have to listen to your body (and your doctor). So... here we go into my second week. Im going to let my body do what it is naturally supposed to do: my uterus is shrinking slightly every day, and my body is eliminating excess fluids and blood. My first priority is ensuring healthy milk supply so I’m going to focus on my diet. I have no limitations when it comes to sweets and treats, because hey I just pushed out a baby. I deserve a little indulgence ;).

I will begin my postpartum training after week 2 and will be recording every workout so you can follow along if you are a new mom as well!! I will share these on my YouTube channel and in IGTV. I look forward to seeing you on my fitness journey!


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Updated: May 11, 2020

This will be a very special Mother's Day as I celebrate our two girls, especially since only a week ago we welcomed our precious lil bundle of joy, baby Kaleigha. Becoming a mother changes everything about who you are. My partner often laughs as he reflects back at the Christine he fell for some 5 years ago. Single, cool chic with a yogi perspective of the world. Everything was good, and everything came easy. I even have a tattoo on my arm in Sanskrit meaning 'no attachments'. Scrap all of that once you become a mother. Getting my 3 year old dressed in the morning is stressful. Getting her to brush her teeth is impossible. Getting her to eat her breakfast takes an hour. Getting her out the door is a joke. If you're a mom, you can relate. I might never be a relaxed human again. Aside from all of this, to me having children is the biggest blessing in this life and we are lucky to do it a second time around.

But Mother's Day will always be tainted with an element of sadness for me. Last year on May 10th we lost our unborn child. It still hurts to write or speak about it, but it beats bottling it all up and dealing with it on my own. I was 4 months pregnant and everyone had already known that we were expecting, so on top of everything I wasn't able to grieve privately. I share this with all of you in hopes that if you are reading this and you can in some way relate, you find solace in knowing that you are not alone. No one fully understands what you mentally and physically go through when you lose a baby, except for another women who has experienced the same thing. We are here for each other. When I had to break the news to my family, friends and Fit Mama community, I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of support. So many woman came forth to share their own stories of loss to help me feel less alone.

So today, I allow myself to be sad but then I refocus on all that I have to be happy and grateful for, my two beautiful healthy girls. I realize as I write this, I’m still not able to share the details of my story, but I look ahead and know one day when my girls are older, I will tell them about a brother they never met.

Motherhood is a precious thing. Babies are little miracles, but miracles happen every day. I'm sending love this Mother’s Day to all the moms out there: the ones struggling with fertility, the moms that have lost, the expecting mother. the moms that are managing their kids (especially in this Isolation), my mom, your mom and every mom in between.

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