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A Bittersweet Mother's Day

Updated: May 11, 2020

This will be a very special Mother's Day as I celebrate our two girls, especially since only a week ago we welcomed our precious lil bundle of joy, baby Kaleigha. Becoming a mother changes everything about who you are. My partner often laughs as he reflects back at the Christine he fell for some 5 years ago. Single, cool chic with a yogi perspective of the world. Everything was good, and everything came easy. I even have a tattoo on my arm in Sanskrit meaning 'no attachments'. Scrap all of that once you become a mother. Getting my 3 year old dressed in the morning is stressful. Getting her to brush her teeth is impossible. Getting her to eat her breakfast takes an hour. Getting her out the door is a joke. If you're a mom, you can relate. I might never be a relaxed human again. Aside from all of this, to me having children is the biggest blessing in this life and we are lucky to do it a second time around.

But Mother's Day will always be tainted with an element of sadness for me. Last year on May 10th we lost our unborn child. It still hurts to write or speak about it, but it beats bottling it all up and dealing with it on my own. I was 4 months pregnant and everyone had already known that we were expecting, so on top of everything I wasn't able to grieve privately. I share this with all of you in hopes that if you are reading this and you can in some way relate, you find solace in knowing that you are not alone. No one fully understands what you mentally and physically go through when you lose a baby, except for another women who has experienced the same thing. We are here for each other. When I had to break the news to my family, friends and Fit Mama community, I was overwhelmed with the outpouring of support. So many woman came forth to share their own stories of loss to help me feel less alone.

So today, I allow myself to be sad but then I refocus on all that I have to be happy and grateful for, my two beautiful healthy girls. I realize as I write this, I’m still not able to share the details of my story, but I look ahead and know one day when my girls are older, I will tell them about a brother they never met.

Motherhood is a precious thing. Babies are little miracles, but miracles happen every day. I'm sending love this Mother’s Day to all the moms out there: the ones struggling with fertility, the moms that have lost, the expecting mother. the moms that are managing their kids (especially in this Isolation), my mom, your mom and every mom in between.

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